


synonymous

by ValkyrieGail



Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: 5+1 Things, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Barebacking, Bromance to Romance, Denial of Feelings, Drinking to Cope, Feelings Realization, Friends to Lovers, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, M/M, Pining, Unrequited Love, Unsafe Sex
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-15
Updated: 2018-06-19
Packaged: 2019-05-23 17:52:27
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 10,715
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14939042
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ValkyrieGail/pseuds/ValkyrieGail
Summary: Jack always felt he was unworthy of Gabriel’s love.A lifetime later, he learned otherwise.A 5 +1 fic.





	1. I.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Started this as a Twitter thread a long time ago and I wanted to develop it more. Read the tags carefully. Enjoy the whump and angst!

**I.**

Jack and Gabe were close.

Anyone who was in a room long enough with the two of them could see that there was a definite connection there. ‘Old war buddies’ was the term coined by most in Overwatch and the public eye, and it would be no wonder given their extensive background together. Still, those who knew them closely found the word incapable of fully describing the type of bond Jack and Gabriel shared.

They collaborated often together; had each other’s backs at meetings and supported one another’s decisions. They complimented one another, going so far as for some to wonder if there was something _more_ than just a pair of war heroes with a long history between them. They were two sides of a coin; different and unique, but made a complete set.

When Gabe looked to Jack, he knew he had someone whom he could count and rely on. Gabriel’s trust was hard earned, and very few saw the vulnerability that looked back behind the mask of power and authority the commander held.

When Jack looked to Gabriel, he saw something more than a best friend or a loved one he would lay his life down for.

He saw his weakness.

The one person he would bend the rules for.

The one person he could let his guard down with to expose his demons.

He trusted Gabriel with his life.

Jack admired Gabriel more than what was called for as average in a friendship. They shared something more than a few laughs and the burden of responsibility that came with running a large organization. Some agents joked that the Strike Commander and Commander Reyes could communicate telepathically or only by a single look. One raise of the brow or tilt of the head was enough for them to be on the same page.

Some said it was an after effect of getting pumped with chemicals in the SEP program that made them so in sync with each other.

Jack, in the quiet moments of his existence, believed it was a powerful connection he felt for Gabriel that linked them together and kept them in the same orbit together for so long. They had clicked and got along during their time in SEP, and had supported one another when the times had gotten low and the worst seemed to be hanging above them.

 Those experiences had changed him.

Jack had always been a little more carefree when he was younger. He had even carried that disposition through basic training and his eventual transfer into SEP. People gravitated towards Jack’s smile and jokes, as well as the fact that he didn’t shirk away from angry glares or challenges. He was headstrong and out to prove his worth to the point of almost brilliant recklessness.

After the first round of injections and the first few deaths in the program, Jack’s demeanor began to change.

Thing became all too real when death hung over his head after each injection made him weaker (than stronger).

He and Gabriel eventually gravitated towards one another on adjacent hospital beds while they sweated and vomited out the toxins as their bodies grew, adjusted, and changed. They were both too stubborn to die or give up.

They became close and that bond only grew. No matter the fact that they had different rankings and sometimes different outlooks on life; they clicked.

Jack never believed in soulmates until he met Gabriel and found the level of comfort and ease with which they fell into.

He didn’t know he had been longing for this connection all of his life until he had it.

And somehow, it wasn’t enough.

Jack wanted _more_ with him.

He had found Gabriel devastatingly attractive the first day they met. Jack wanted to jump into bed with the man, but fraternizing was looked down upon, and Gabriel had rank over him He instead harbored his crush quietly while he tried to figure Gabe out at first, but didn’t risk any confessions of attraction when they became friends and Jack realized how painfully _straight_ Gabriel was.

He could live with that.

Jack was used to there being a small hitch in his plans. His best friend, the love of his life, was not into him _in that way_ , but at least they could be close.

It had to be enough, then.

And besides, what time did he have to romantically pursue someone who was just as emotionally unavailable as he was?

The world was always in need of saving somewhere.

There was a political issue here, a formal function there, and everything in-between.

That had always been a part of Jack’s reasoning for why he never got the courage to sit down and have an actual talk with Gabriel about them trying a relationship that was more than friendship.

That, and he didn’t believe Gabriel felt the same way. He had seen Gabriel only ever with women in the few rare occasions Gabe flirted, or the one instance he took a woman home. Gabriel was very much supportive of Jack and his interest in men, but Gabriel himself never showed an enthusiasm towards men when they went out to social functions work or otherwise.

Gabriel didn’t give his trust freely, so he didn’t have any long term serious relationships that Jack would have to hear about.

So Jack filed the information away and decided risking a talk with his best friend on taking their friendship into relationship territory wasn’t in the cards.

He didn’t want to be let down again.

Besides, Jack barely had time for dating and certainly didn’t have much time to devote to nurturing and maintaining a serious relationship. He didn’t consider himself ‘long term relationship’ material.

All of Jack’s life was now consumed with being the Strike Commander.

As a leader in the public eye of a newly founded initiative, Jack felt the weight of his responsibilities heavily on his shoulders. Everyone was always looking up at him or down on his ideals, trying to read his play, trying to find a bluff.

Little by little, he became less ’Jack’ and more ‘Strike Commander Morrison.’

Jack wasn’t sure when that transition fully took place and he lost control of his freedoms in anonymity. He wasn’t a complete goner in his identity, but he found little time to enjoy some of his old hobbies or genuinely feel at rest with his thoughts. The serum hadn’t helped his wandering mind, which was adamant in conjuring all sorts of issues he needed to address and work he had to finish before deadline. His mind could never find quiet, leading to late nights of work to tire himself to exhaustion and the tired lines that appeared on his face over time.

(Those of which the make-up artists did wonders in covering.)

His friends used to joke that he was a workaholic, but it quickly lost its humor.

The Strike Commander dedicated himself to Overwatch and its agents. It was expected of him and Jack set out to be the best leader he possibly could be while surrounding himself with a team of incredibly gifted individuals. He was often praised for his devotion and commitment to the organization, but it usually came with the bitter reminder of what he couldn’t have.

He used to imagine himself retiring at a decent age to live on a quiet property near a lake with a few dogs and some animals he could love and care for.

In that fantasy, he had hoped for Gabriel to be in the chair beside him, looking out to the waters where their mutts could play while they absorbed the comforting rays of the sun.

Now, Jack couldn’t imagine any ‘after Overwatch’ scenarios other than moving back to his parent’s farm and living a quiet existence among his family’s beloved dairy cows.

These small windows in what could and would never be hit Jack at trivial moments.

At a press conference.

Across the table at lunch when Reinhardt’s laugh filled the room and Gabriel made eye contact with Jack, smirking in a private way that told of his contentment.

When they shared the silence of an elevator and Gabriel began to hum the tune of the familiar music, filling the space with Jack’s grin.

Jack hated himself a little more each time for wanting what he couldn’t have.

He hated the laugh lines Gabriel help to etch at the corner of his mouth.

He hated the heaviness in his chest every time he watched him leave.

*

On phone calls home, Jack’s mom would often ask about what was going on in his life. His personal life; not the places he was going to lead missions or shake on deals with local government officials. She wanted to know what shows he was watching or books he was reading, or perhaps if he was dating anyone and taking some time for himself.

His family was proud of him, but Jack’s mom had a way of making it glaringly obvious in just how little time Jack actually spent on taking care of himself or pursuing his own interests.

The answer was not often.

Jack was a ‘yes’ type of person when it came to getting things done.

All or nothing, he was 100% dedicated to whatever needed to be done to push peace in the right direction and get Overwatch’s agenda approved and forwarded.

It was when he was presented with such questions from his own mother that Jack felt embarrassed at just how little he knew about himself anymore.

The last book he read? Hell, he read all of the time, but it was in the form of mission reports, inquiries, personnel folders, and dossiers.

The last show he’d watched was the news.

As for dating?

Well, there was really only one person he was interested in, and they weren’t an option on the table. Jack knew he was stuck on Gabe and needed to move on, but his heart had other ideas.

“I’m sure if you really talked it through, you two could figure something out.” Jack’s mother insisted on the other end. “He’s a good man and you’ve known one another for years. History like that between two people means something. I just want to see you happy with someone who will love you for you. None of these ‘celebrity’ types would do.”

“It’s not like that. I can’t magically turn him gay, mom. Besides, dating in general is too much work and I have enough on my plate. ” Jack frowned, glancing over his mail notifications while his mother huffed on the other line of his communicator. This was always a favorite topic of hers to bring up at least once a month.

“One of these days, I’m going to call that boy’s mother and we’ll both talk some sense into you two. Gabriel would be lucky to have you as a partner. How many people know how to cook a perfect sugar cream pie like you do?”

Jack rolled his eyes, having heard this spiel before. He knew she was joking and would never actively butt into his personal love life, but he appreciated the jest. Gabriel had come out to the Morrison farm once when they had leave, and Jack’s mother was completely smitten with his charm.

The blonde smiled, remembering how his mother had fussed over Gabriel as if he was her own son. She of course knew about the terrible crush Jack had on him, but remained reserved enough not to let it be too obvious while she insisted on cleaning up after them.

Gabriel only stayed with Jack and his family for two days before flying out to LA, but Mrs. Morrison acted as if he had been with them for weeks. She of course had read a lot about Gabe’s heroic feats in the Crisis and admired him for his work and bravery.

It was just a shame he wasn’t into her son.

“Bake him a pie. That’s a way into someone’s soul. Food is the answer.”

“I’m not baking Gabriel a pie.” Jack shook his head. “When the time is right, I’m sure I’ll meet some handsome foreigner who will sweep me off my feet.” He joked, smiling because he knew it wasn’t true.

“I know, at your own pace. I just want to see you happy, you know that, sweetie.”

“Thank you.” Jack replied, feeling a little more drained after the conversation. “I’ll call you later, ma. I have a few urgents marked that I need to go through. I’ll text you in the morning.”

“I’m sure. Love you, sweetie.”

“Love you too, ma.”

He pressed the side of his communicator to end the call and clicked on one of the emails marked urgent on his screen.

Since his mother’s nagging, he had thought about romantic relationships more frequently than he cared to say. His eyes lingered perhaps a few seconds longer on Gabriel during meetings while his brain considered the option.

For all they had been through together and shared, Jack thought at some point it would come naturally to bring up his feelings and take a step towards something more than the close friendship they had garnered.

The commander thought that eventually, it would come to them.

A long time ago, he had felt secure in the knowledge that one day, he and Gabriel would be together more intimately as an actual couple versus the best friend space they had created between them.

That was up until the incident, when the borders became clear and they both crossed a line that their relationship was not ready for.

It wasn’t anything a simple pie or a series of talks could fix.

The words on the holo-screen became blurred while the deep pitted anxiety turned its ugly head towards him.

This was why it wasn’t safe to let his thoughts wander too far into the desire he held strongly for Gabriel.

Even after the ‘incident’, Jack was still hopeless over the thought of one day finding common ground with his fellow commander and sharing something more with him than a space and some words.

Jack wet his lips, nervous energy fidgeting for something to do.

With his office door safely shut and secure, he put his thumb against the scanner on his bottom drawer and opened it carefully, eyeing the few bottles of liquor housed within. It was unlike the small minibar he had in the corner of his office, its only purpose there to serve a toast when an agreement was made.

In this drawer, he hid his own personal favorites reserved for his use. His fingers ran along the tops of the bottles until deciding to favor an old, expensive Kentucky bourbon he had picked up in the states from his last visit to D.C.

The blonde was silent, oddly reverent, while he pulled out one of the glasses from the drawer and set it on his desk. He poured in a good amount of the amber colored liquid before sealing it back up and closing it up and setting it back down.

The first few sips burned down his throat and brought a pleasantly low buzz to his skin. He sat back in his chair, thinking over the conversation he had with his mother and tried to file it away in the back of his mind.

He was 34 years old and had a lot to show for in his young age as a Strike Commander.

He should’ve felt proud, but the idea that he was becoming less and less of himself unsettled him. He could ignore public commentary and sometimes even the words of his friends, but his own mother always struck a sore spot.

Jack clicked out of his emails and waved his hand over to his schedule for tomorrow.

It was the same as any other day. Planned out and plotted down to the very last second of his day with no real vacation time in sight.

Wake up at 4:30 am. Hit the gym by 5:00am.

Shower and Breakfast at 6:30am.

Dressed and out the door by 7:00am.

Debriefing at 7:30am.

First meeting at 8:30am.

The list continued on to a few meeting slots scheduled in the morning with European agencies, and some more meetings slotted for the late afternoon/early evening with American investors.

It was the same rinse and repeat every day. Technically he was scheduled to be off work for ‘personal time’ around 7:30pm, but he knew that never happened. He would still be here, in his office, reading over new emails and issues with a glass of bourbon and a low grade headache from dull hunger pains and a mind that refused to slow itself down.

At least the bourbon provided a pleasant warmth to his stomach, masking his emotions enough to bring him back to focus.

He downed the rest of the liquor when a familiar sounding knock rapped at his door.

“You decent?”

He shuffled a few papers, straightened his jacket, and tried to make it look like he was working hard until he realized he didn’t _need_ to do that for Gabriel. Gabe typically didn’t care.

“Course I am. Come in.” Jack replied, setting down his glass just in time for Gabriel to let himself in. He raised a brow at the drink while the blonde ran his thumb along the clear edge, scooping away the last drop of alcohol to wipe it on his jacket. “What’s up?”

Gabriel waved a red folder in his hand. “Did you read about that dossier in Dorado with the explosives?”

Jack pressed back to his mail function on the holo-screen and pulled it up. “I am now.”

“It was sent to you half an hour ago.” Gabriel pointed out.

“Was making a personal call.”

“To Indiana?” Gabriel smirked, rounding over to take a seat on the other side of Jack’s desk. He relaxed in the expensive leather chair and glanced at the clock on the wall. “It’s already Wednesday, isn’t it? How is your mom doing?”

A small smirk also crept on Jack’s face, “She’s fine. Persistent with some things as usual. She sends her regards to you, her favorite son, of course.”

“Did she convince you to take some vacation time, yet? I'm sure the cows are missing you.”

“I’m not scheduled for PT for another two months. You know that.”

“Yeah, but are you actually going to take it? You’re getting old, Morrison.” Gabriel tapped the file on the polished wood desk top. It was loud enough to make Jack’s nerves jump. “You need some fun in your life that isn’t taking shots at your desk.”

“I have plenty of fun. I’m still younger than you, old man.”

“It’s no fun drinking by yourself.” Gabriel added.

The blonde shrugged. “Help yourself to the mini bar and drink with me, then.”

“Maybe next time. I have to head down to medical and I doubt the docs would be pleased to smell it on me.”

“A shot won’t kill you.” Jack replied, his eyes staying on the notification while Gabriel lounged back, putting his hands behind his head to stretch.

“No, but I rather avoid a lecture. You know we’re supposed to keep empty calories down in our diets, yet here you are…not giving a fuck. It’s a good look for you, Jack. You should try it more often.”

“I drink often enough.”

“You know what I mean.”

“I’m guessing not the drinking bit.”

Gabriel hummed, watching the blonde carefully while he read through the dossier.

Jack finished reading up on the new issues at hand and spoke it over with Gabriel briefly, deciding it best to send a few agents out to the site to aide local law enforcement while they cracked down on the illegal explosive trafficking. Los Muertos was always a sore in their side, but they had to stay vigilant in making sure Overwatch’s presence was known.

“I don’t mind going down personally with a few of our people. I’m due for my own time off in two weeks and I figure this debacle will take as long to get sorted.” Gabriel suggested. “Maybe you could put in a good word about it to Petras tomorrow? I’m getting cabin fever up here in Gibraltar and he’s still pissed off about the last mission to Bangkok.”

Jack knew that Gabriel’s schedule required its own demands that slowly weighed on his close friend. Although Gabriel didn’t have as many restrictions as Jack did and was mostly out of the public eye, he still carried his own burdens of the job. It was the nature of it.

“So you’re wanting to go down to Dorado for the next two weeks and then take your personal time to visit family in LA?” Jack surmised. “Sounds easy enough to propose.”

“I need some sun and my mother’s cooking to get me back on track.” Gabriel smiled, looking too handsome for his own good. “My niece and nephew are turning four and I promised my sister I would be there.”

Jack’s heart stuttered a few beats while he thought of Gabriel, sleeping beside him in his old room years ago in Indiana.

The blonde looked away, inwardly chastising himself for allowing his imagination to wander. Gabriel had been clear, long ago, that there could be nothing between them.

“Just stay out of trouble with medical by going way off your diet with all the good food and…be sure to get me one of those apples at Disneyland if you go.”

Gabriel chuckled, amused. “The Granny Smith one with the caramel and white chocolate?”

Jack tried not to sound too pleased that Gabe remembered. “You know which one.”

“I’ll see what I can do.” Gabriel smiled, tapping the folder again on the desk while he shuffled up, pushing in the chair. “Don’t stay too late or fall asleep at your desk again. Ana will be coming by after her workout to make sure you went home to sleep.”

“Sleep is for the weak.” Jack muttered jokingly.

“True, but you need your beauty rest. Can’t have the sharks smelling blood tomorrow or the PR crew fretting to cover the circles under your eyes.”

“They’re not that bad…”

“Liar.”

It was a lie, Jack knew. A glance in the mirror showed where the slight cover up was beginning to melt away after a long day. Sometimes he felt older than his actual age, and he worried he was starting to look it, too. Finding a few white hairs on his head were telling enough that he needed a vacation in the near future.

“I’ll see you in the morning. Please go get some sleep.” Gabriel reminded. “I’m serious. You need the rest, Jackie.”

“I’ll try.” Jack promised while Gabriel gave him a nod and left.

Once the door shut, Jack poured himself another glass of bourbon and downed it in one go.

The burning sensation was a small mercy compared to the ache in his chest.

He had learned a long time ago that the alcohol did wonders in burning that ache away and leaving a more pleasant hum of numbness in its wake.

He was in love with a man he couldn’t have.  

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In this AU, the Morrison family raises some dairy cows and also harvests crops. My grandparents had a dairy in the Midwest and I was always fond of the cows and how quirky they were. I can imagine Jack being just as loving and fond of them. 
> 
> Come say hello~  
> [My tumblr](http://valkyriegail76.tumblr.com/)  
> [twitter](http://twitter.com/AmethystValkyri)  
> 


	2. II.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “My heart only ever had one thought, one want. One need. Despite all, in spite of all...All my heart has ever wanted is you.”  
> ― Stephanie Laurens

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please see the tags, especially for unsafe sex/barebacking and questioning sexuality in this part. (Nothing homophobic or demeaning towards sexuality, just a character exploring their sexuality past their usual preference.)

 

**II.**

The Strike Commander rarely left his office at the end of the day on time partly because he was usually too consumed with tasks to think to watch the clock. The other issue was that on some long nights, he had grown to feel uncomfortable with the quiet of his home. Sometimes the taunting, deafening silence of the moderately sized, military issued apartment on base was enough to make his skin crawl and overactive mind vibrate with the need to find something else to dwell on.

Even though he knew he needed to take the time away from his desk and the politics of his work, he still found himself clutching a portable holo-pad and tuning into the world news while checking his ever amounting mail notifications. He should’ve been ‘resting’, but that had been a foreign concept to him since he enlisted in the military over a decade ago. Even more so when he accepted the position of Strike Commander for a global organization that demanded a lot of his time and energy.

The side effects of the serum had left his mind changed to a very loud, busy existence. He was always thinking ahead or stuck in a never ending loop of assignment after assignment. In the quiet, his mind didn’t know what to focus on other than his own personal issues. Those of which he tried to keep strictly private and suppressed.

He had been like this for years now, especially after the Omnic Crisis when the world fell into a lull of rebuilding.

Jack was a well-oiled machine that worked tirelessly.

When he was a young soldier, he was used to long, drawn-out missions with barely any time to allow the dust to settle before he was being pushed into the next direction of the war. If he wasn’t fighting, he was training or planning for battle. If he wasn’t pushing his body to its limits, then he was following the strict dietary and athletic necessities that made his body feel more machine than human, before passing out to bed only to start the process all over again.

He hadn’t stopped after the Omnic Crisis.

After helping in the crisis, he continued working in Overwatch until he was promoted to Strike Commander. Then, the missions traded themselves for meetings and public appearances to keep up Overwatch’s image and funding while their work turned towards other branches of settling conflicts and mediating treaties.

He had accomplished a lot in his years, but it didn’t make up for the kind of loneliness Jack felt when he was in the silence of his apartment.  

When the Strike Commander was truthful with himself, he knew that he wanted to share his home with someone else to fill those empty places and provide warmth and companionship. He had grown up in a busy house with his parents and siblings. He was used to the long summers working alongside his family and farmhands while they milked cows, tended to crops, and talked politics. He had then joined the military, where he had shared barracks and bunk beds, shower time, eating schedules, and training regiments with other recruits.

In the Omnic Crisis, he had shared battered tents, abandoned buildings.

Many times, he had shared spaces with Gabriel while they pushed to survive.

A long time ago, he had even shared a bed with him.

In the quiet of the apartment, Jack is ashamed to admit that he thinks often of the night they once spent together, so many years ago.  

Of course they had shared quarters before; many times, it was a necessary means of survival and Jack preferred Gabriel’s body heat instead of someone he didn’t know as well. They shared body heat and warmth, shared rations and kept one another sane while the sounds of gunfire in the distance kept them on edge.

However, years ago, on a quiet night after a long weeks battle outside of Rome, Gabriel and Jack had shared a bed and the comforts of the flesh with one another.

Jack could remember it with intense clarity.

The way Gabriel had entered his tent, looking weary and haunted from the bloodshed they had experienced. They had both left with wounds. Bruises and gashes that would later leave scars of remembrance.

Jack closed his eyes, allowing himself to fall into the distant memory.

*

_Years ago_

“You still awake?” Gabriel asked from the opening flap of the tent, holding it unsteadily while he made his way inside. His voice was a few shades lower, keeping in mind the other sleeping soldiers nearby.

Jack had been staring at the shadows outside of the tent for the last 20 minutes.  

“I’m awake.” The blonde turned to look at his brother in arms, the two of them echoing the same restlessness in the bags under their eyes and the bandages on their skin. Their injuries were nothing serious for enhanced soldiers, but still enough to warrant some medical attention. “Did you just get done with your rounds?”

Gabriel nodded while he sat on the side of the makeshift sleeping bag and began to untie his shoes. Jack felt the exhaustion still settled deep in his bones. He had shared close spaces with the older man before, but he was having a hard time sleeping after days of fighting and close encounters with hostile Omnics. His ears could still pick up on every cry in the distance and the fires that had engulfed the southern part of the city.  

Gabriel pulled off his sweaty shirt and threw it across the room, shimmying down to boxers that he changed out for sweats from his pack. He rolled up his pants and socks, stuffing them back in the backpack unceremoniously. Jack watched him intently as Gabriel sat down and leaned against his knees, eyes closed while he no doubt tried to shake off the remnants of adrenaline that had been keeping him going for days.

The commander ran his hands across his hair, gripping it for the  feel pain of something to ground him.

In his own tiredness, Jack reached across the chasm, touching Gabriel’s back carefully. “Hey. What’s going on?”

“I’m so tired of all of this, Jackie.” Gabriel confessed quietly, his voice shaking enough to give Jack a more aware alertness on his friend’s mental state. Jack carefully sat up to move beside him, his hand keeping at rest on Gabriel’s bare back.

“Did you know they’re sending us down to Turkey next?” Gabe asked, though it was more of a frustrated statement the way his voice shook. “How long will we be fighting there? When do we get a break?”

“Our bodies were designed for this.” Jack reminded sympathetically. “We can do this. We have to, there’s no one else that can handle this like we can.”

“Maybe you can, but I’m getting to a breaking point. I feel like I’m losing my sanity.” Gabriel shook his head. He grabbed at Jack’s free hand, directing it towards his chest where his heart was beating hurriedly. The blonde looked down to where his hand was placed warmly over the rapidness of the heart racing inside.

“Did medical check your heart rate?” Jack frowned in concern.

“They did and said to sleep it off.” Gabriel laughed, sneering. “’Sleep it off.’ Like I can ignore the feeling that my heart is going to explode out of my fucking chest.”

“That’s useless.” Jack grumbled, annoyed that medical was looking over Gabe’s distress. It wasn’t uncommon for some of the medics to take in account their unique, enhanced bodies and tell them there was nothing they could do. Most medics didn’t want to attempt to treat more severe issues when it came to Jack and Gabriel’s bodies. “Stay here real quick. I have a biotic in my bag that should do the trick.”

“You don’t need to waste it on me. I just need to ‘ _sleep it off_.’”

“We’re getting more supplies tomorrow anyways. Might as well use it.”

Gabriel didn’t offer any further refusals. Instead, he watched Jack’s fingers work over the soda can–sized canister with tired brown eyes. Jack clicked it on and pressed it to the ground, allowing the mechanism to give off a soft golden glow in the tent. It radiated warmth, further healing some of the bruises on their bodies.

Jack knew he wasn’t supposed to use it unless it was an emergency, but he didn’t care. He wanted Gabriel to be able to get some sleep without being in discomfort. The man needed it after bloodying his hands and helping to keep them all alive the last few days.

“C’mon, breathe deep with me.” Jack whispered. He pressed his hands against Gabriel’s back and took in deep breaths, counting them in and out by 5 to try and help his partner focus on something other than his body’s exhaustion.

He was warm and slightly sweaty to the touch. Jack kept one hand at his back, but the other eventually gravitated towards his shoulder, anchoring the older man in the moment.

Little by little, Gabriel’s heart did begin to settle into a slower rhythm and his breathing steadied from the help of the biotic field and Jack’s calming presence. Eyes still closed, the commander put his arm around Jack, soaking in some of his body heat and the reassurance that he was cared for and safe.

Jack put both of his arms around his shoulders, holding him close. Their bodies were turned awkwardly next to one another, but the safety of the embrace was enough to ground them with the knowledge that their battles were finished in Italy. They had freed most of the country from the threat of defunct Omnics, but they would soon be on to the next mission once the brass gave the orders.

Jack knew that in a sense, they were living on borrowed time.

They had already lost countless of friends during the Crisis. Whether in war or the degradation of their own bodies from the SEP serum, the odds weren’t  good.

Holding Gabriel, Jack felt the weight of their future hung before them balanced on the edge of a thin knife.

One day, a stray bullet or purposeful shot could take one of them out.

“Jack, you’re tensing up.” Gabriel stated between them, his breath warm against Jack’s skin. “Jack?”

“You’re not allowed to die, okay?”

The older man leaned back, pressed a hand to cup the side of Jack’s face. “I’m not going anywhere. Too stubborn for death, remember?”

 _We could die tomorrow._ Jack’s thoughts raced.

Something terrible could happen and he would never be able to express how he felt for this man who walked beside him through hell and back.

The space between them was so thin and filled with the promise of more.

Emboldened, Jack leaned forward and closed that gap; closed the questioning on whether or not Gabriel reciprocated his feelings at all.

Jack knew the moment he pressed his lips against Gabriel’s own, the man wouldn’t push or shove him away with the way his breath slightly stuttered and eyes closed. His hands moved to Jack’s hips, holding them steady so he wouldn’t fall forward. The weight and shape of them were obviously different from that of a woman’s, but Jack’s small waist compared to the expanse of his shoulders was something he had been complimented on many times before.

He wondered if Gabriel would accept him like this; for who he was as a person beyond the flesh.

The younger soldier was too much of a coward to further the kiss, keeping it only at a press of lips. He was the first to pull away, heart racing with the idea that Gabriel could outright reject him.

“I’m sorry.” Jack whispered, already ashamed of himself for taking the moment further than perhaps the dark haired man was ready for.

Gabriel’s expression was guarded while he searched Jack’s face.

This was new territory for both of them.

“It’s okay.” Gabriel replied. He rubbed his thumb over Jack’s bottom lip, eyes still masking whatever emotions he was experiencing inside. “Felt good.”

It wasn’t the answer the blonde was expecting. His ears tinged pink with warmth; that heat radiating down to his toes and pooling in his groin. Gabriel’s eyes seemed so much richer and darker while they held his gaze, almost challenging.

Jack wet his lips and leaned forward again, stopping halfway, waiting for a second of hesitation or disapproval.

Gabriel closed the gap between them.

The kiss felt unsure at first, but the fact that he wasn’t being pushed away or reprimanded with following his feelings was enough to give Jack confidence to pour himself fully into expressing his affection.

It felt like forever since the last time he had kissed another person. He knew many soldiers would sometimes visit the brothels or find a ‘good time friend’ to release steam with, but this was something far more than that to him.

This was Gabriel, _his_ Gabriel, with whom he’d been in love with for years.

The blonde reveled in the feel of the other man’s scruff against his chin and nearly jumped when the press of a hot tongue ran along the seam of his lips, asking for more.

Jack could feel his heartbeat in his ears while the blood rushed through his body and tinged his skin a flushed pink. The recent remnants of the last few adrenaline fueled days reminded his body of the release it was sorely needing from living at death’s door.

Perhaps Gabriel was feeling it as well with the way he kissed Jack like his life depended on it. Their bodies shifted enough for Jack to crawl into his lap, straddling him effectively on the sleeping bag blanket.

Gabriel pulled away when Jack ground down cautiously against his crotch, finding the older commander hard and wanting.

“Too much?” Jack quickly breathed out, still feeling the residual panic of being rejected despite how Gabriel was responding.

He was dizzy with the desire for more.

Gabriel kept his hands on Jack’s hip, keeping him in place. “You’re fine. Just. _Fuck_ , that’s- that’s good. This is good.”

“Yeah?” Jack panted, face entirely flushed with his arousal. “It’s not too weird for you?”

“Just your 5 o’clock shadow is throwing me off, but we’re good. You sure you want to continue? I’m a little inexperienced with guys.”

Jack moaned low when the other man ran his thumb across his clothed nipple, feeling more than thankful that Gabriel wasn’t turning him away and was on board with whatever they were doing. “It’s not too different. I’ll show you.”

It had been months, maybe years since Jack had gotten off properly and his body was singing praises for Gabriel when the older man moved his hands lower, cupping and squeezing his ass generously. Jack wanted to moan louder, but was paranoid of being caught by any of the soldiers nearby their tent. Gabriel was still the commander and Jack was technically a ‘subordinate’ of lower rank.

The two of them hooking up was something the brass could frown upon, but then again…they only had so many enhanced soldiers. If anything, they might get a slap on the wrist for fraternizing. It wouldn’t be the worst thing to happen.

Jack leaned back far enough to take off his shirt and discard it to the side of the sleeping bag. Gabriel was already shirtless, and the feel of hot skin was making him slightly faint with excitement. His ears were still echoing his loud heartbeat while Gabriel kissed him hot and slick. He ran his tongue along the sensitive skin of Jack’s mouth, teasing him long enough to force Jack to take control out of pure neediness.

Gabriel tasted like coffee rinds and warmth. He smelled like his usual deodorant and the musk that was natural to his skin. Jack wanted all of it; all of him.

Gabriel seemed content to make out and feel the heat coming off of Jack’s skin, but the blonde was anxious for more. He carefully undulated his hips, grounding his erection against the bulge in Gabriel’s pants.

Jack couldn’t help but to think that perhaps Gabriel wasn’t as straight as he thought he was.

Then again, these kinds of things tended to go outside the realm of reasoning when you were in war. There were plenty of others who would seek out comfort wherever they could find it, whether it was their usual preference or not.

War changed people.

“Do you want to go further?” Jack questioned, trying to catch his breath. “This might be a little out of your comfort zone.”

“I’m comfortable.” Gabriel’s cheeks were also flushed and eyes dark and predatory. “I want to go further, but only if you want to first. I’m following your lead.”

“You’re sure this isn’t weird?”

“You’re making it a little weird.” Gabriel grinned, burying his face against Jack’s neck to mark kisses along his shoulder and throat.

Jack gasped when he felt teeth run along his skin, “I’m trying to get consent from my ‘straight’ friend here.”

The other man paused, processing what the blonde had said. He was careful to look up at Jack without showing the slight hesitation that had been churning in his stomach. “I want to do it with you. I trust you, Jackie.”

“Are you sure?”

Gabriel kissed the side of Jack’s neck more reverently. “I am. I trust you with my life.”

“Okay.”

Feeling more confident over the proceedings, Jack ran his fingers over the expanse of Gabriel’s skin, mapping out his well-defined muscles and committing it to memory. The other man did his own share of memorizing the chords of muscle in Jack’s own form. They were both equally matched for power and strength, but their builds were unique in their own right.

Jack unbuttoned the top of his regulation pants, fingers shaking marginally from the effort. His overactive mind was in overdrive, thinking of nothing but: _Gabe, Gabe, Gabe._

Gabriel ran the calloused pads of his thumbs across the band of Jack’s boxer briefs, teasing at the warm skin when he pulled the elastic and slapped it back, teasing the younger man. The blonde groaned against his shoulder, breath hot on skin when those skilled fingers dipped into the back of Jack’s underwear, getting a firm grip of the generous globes of Jack’s ass.

“ _Fuck_.” Jack panted, anchoring himself with the help of Gabriel’s strong shoulders. “More…”

It was getting hot in the tent from their combined body heat. They already ran warmer than the average person, making the decision to shed the rest of their clothing a no brainer while sweat ran down the expanse of Jack’s back, dipping into the tight grooves of his hips. He pulled away from Gabriel, the pair of them watching each other intensely while Jack first pulled his underwear and pants off in one go. His hard cock sprung free, aching and glistening at the reddened tip with need.

Gabriel followed his lead, shimmying off his sweatpants and underwear with a lift of his hips. His own cock was thicker than Jack’s and uncut. He was also just as hard, his dick jutting proudly from his body and slightly purple at the end. Jack’s breathing stuttered a moment while he looked over his best friend’s naked form. He was overwhelmed with the beauty of Gabriel’s body and how much he wanted to taste and feel the man close to him for the rest of his life. He had only ever stolen glances of him naked in the showers (in his shameful SEP days when his libido was off the charts), but seeing Gabriel fully undressed and aroused was an image the blonde would savor til the day he died.

Heart hammering in his chest, Jack crawled closer, his hands running up Gabriel’s strong legs. He kept eye contact with his partner, looking for any traces of hesitation. The older man stared back coolly, seeming relaxed while Jack lowered his upper body, making his intentions clear.

He kissed along Gabriel’s navel, trailing down the dusting of dark hair to the base of his cock where he nuzzled and breathed in the concentrated scent of his partner. Of course Gabriel had a perfect dick; Jack couldn’t help but to trace over the pronounced veins with the tip of his tongue. He enjoyed Gabriel’s low groan of pleasure, only fueling him to take the commander in his mouth and suck at the fat head of his uncut dick.

“Shit, _Jackie_ …” Gabriel moaned, carding a hand through the soft blonde hairs on Jack’s head. His hand remained on the top of his head while Jack began to swallow him down, establishing a slow rhythm.

The sleeping bag on the ground wasn’t the most comfortable of places to be intimate, but it did serve as a reminder of where they were. Jack kept his own moans suppressed while he tasted and felt the sizable weight of Gabriel’s cock in his mouth. He hollowed his cheeks on every upstroke, sucking the tip and the salty precum that dripped the more Gabriel’s thighs shook from the pleasure he was receiving and the restraint not to fuck up into Jack’s mouth.

Jack glanced up, making eye contact with his partner who was biting his lip, watching with such intensity that it made the blonde’s heart race faster. His own dick was throbbing between his legs, but he ignored it in favor of picking up the rhythm and giving something for Gabriel to _really_ hold on to.

Jack kept one hand at the juncture of Gabriel’s leg and hip, his thumb massaging the sensitive skin before edging back to cup at the older man’s testicles. His partner pushed his legs out further, giving the soldier more access to do as he pleased. Jack pumped the other man’s length while his tongue ran along the textured skin of his scrotum, playing with the weight and feel of his balls.

Feeling emboldened, Jack pressed his index and middle finger against Gabriel’s perineum, applying pressure while his mouth engulfed his cock again.

He picked up his rhythm, keeping the pressure steady while Gabe’s abs jumped and tightened from the shocks of pleasure.

“Holy shit-“ Gabriel gasped, one leg bending at the knee while Jack continued, keeping the dark haired man’s hips down with his forearm. “What the fuck- _I’m close_.”

Jack didn’t relent from his ministrations, only pushed with more purpose while Gabriel bit into his arm, his ab muscles straining while the hand in Jack’s hair tightened.

He came with a sharp gasp, drowning out the succeeding groan with his arm while Jack swallowed down the resulting release from his cock, his cheeks hollowed and tongue lapping at the underside of the thick head.

When he pulled off, he wiped the edge of his mouth with his thumb and grinned down at the dishelmed mess he had made out of Gabriel Reyes.

The blonde smiled down at him as he ran his palm along his commander’s abs and chest, “How was that?”

“How do you think?” Gabriel pushed his hair out of his sweaty forehead, his eyes still dark with lust. “Fucking hell, Jack.”

Jack leaned forward to kiss him, finally getting some friction when Gabriel pulled him up and allowed their cocks to rub against each other. Gabriel was still hard, no doubt an effect of the serum. Jack himself sometimes had a low refractory period and could cum consecutively if he had the energy for it. Tonight though, he was tired and craving the feel of something more than a hand-job.

“Think you can go again?” Jack questioned.

“Yeah.” Gabriel answered without a beat. “What’d you have in mind?”

Jack felt the nerves in his stomach come alight while he spoke up, preparing himself for rejection even though they had come this far. “I want you to fuck me.”

Gabriel’s brows rose in surprise. “Really?”

“Please.” The younger man kissed at the corner of Gabriel’s mouth sweetly. “I want to feel your fat cock spreading me open.”

The dark haired man groaned, closing his eyes at the image. “We can do that, but I don’t have any supplies and I don’t think spit will cut it. I don’t want to hurt you.”

“I have some stuff.” Jack climbed out of Gabriel’s lap to retrieve the small bottle of lubricant from his bag. “No condoms, though. I’m good without if you are. ”

“Yeah, okay.” Gabriel whispered while the soldier crawled back into his lap, shaking the bottle teasingly.

His partner didn’t seem entirely convinced that he wasn’t going to hurt him, but Jack was adamant that he could do this. Jack had washed up beforehand in the makeshift showers they had provided for the soldiers after their stint in medical. He didn’t expect _this_ would be happening, but he didn’t want to miss out on the opportunity of feeling connected to Gabriel in the literal physical sense.

It was a lot to process when he thought too deeply on it; he was in love with Gabriel.

However, this was a hook-up.

Letting off steam.

Jack didn’t want to share what this experience meant to him, too afraid that Gabriel would turn him away to spare his feelings.

So, Jack acted clinically. He straddled Gabriel’s thighs and leaned down to kiss him. He warmed the lube between his fingers, using a generous amount at his opening while he started with one finger and then quickly two. He was used to fingering himself in the shower to get off, but his nerves were making the process a little more difficult, especially when the dark haired man experimentally stroked his cock to offer some relief and distraction from the stretch

Gabriel kissed along Jack’s chest and mouthed at his nipples, cupping his pecs in two large hands and squeezing. Jack appreciated the attention, letting off grateful sighs while his nipples grew hard from his partner’s ministrations. Nipple play had always been at the top of the list for the blonde, and Gabe seemed more than willing to play with them.

“You’ve got the best tits, you know that?” Gabriel whispered playfully right before sucking a good sized hickey next to Jack’s nipple.

“Keep going-“ Jack panted, “Don’t stop-“

After a few minutes of heavy petting and making out, Jack could fit almost three fingers somewhat comfortably inside him. It probably wasn’t enough to accommodate Gabriel’s thicker girth, but the blonde wanted to feel every stretch when his partner took him apart.

In the back of Jack’s mind, the fear and doubt still raced by…

Many soldiers did this.

Many soldiers found comfort and release outside of their usual parameters.

Jack trusted and loved Gabriel, but he knew what this was.

He wasn’t fooled into thinking otherwise.

“You sure you’re good?” Gabriel voiced his concern when Jack began to spread more lube over Gabriel’s cock. “It’s a lot to take in.”

“I can handle it.” Jack reassured.

“I meant _this_.” Gabriel ran his thumb over Jack’s hip bones. “I’m- I don’t usually do this.”

Jack gave him a placating kiss. “Just trust me. It’ll feel good.”

“I’m not worried about _that_.” Gabriel breathed, his thoughts getting cut off as Jack lined up his dick and began to sink down on the heavy length. Train of thought quickly derailed, Gabriel’s brows scrunched in disbelief while the tightness wrapped around his cock. “Shit, Jackie, you’re taking it like a champ.”

“Mmm.” Jack replied, working the member inside of him inch by inch until he was fully seated and completely full. His ass burned from where he had forced his muscles to stretch and accommodate past what he was used to, but the full feeling was enough for him to cling to.

Gabriel was oddly silent, eyes half-lidded and hyper focused on Jack’s face. His lips parted, breathing deeply to retain control while his partner took over.

After a few beats, Jack skillfully rolled his hips, getting a feel for how Gabriel felt inside of him. His toes curled, body tightening when the pronounced head pressed tantalizingly hard against his prostate.

“ _Oh_ -“ Jack gasped, mouth hanging open from the intensity of it. His brows crunched in hyper focus on the pleasure that made his whole body light up inside.

Gabriel watched him closely, looking for any signs of pain or discomfort. Jack was incredibly tight, but he could feel where his muscles gave and twitched inside him to make room for the commander.

The brunette wanted to ask if his partner was okay, but Jack beat him to the punch by rolling his hips in a more steady rhythm, getting a true feel for how good Gabriel felt inside of him.

There was no more room for talking as they got lost in the ebb and flow of their bodies. Emboldened, the older man took hold of Jack’s hips and pushed up into him, establishing a rougher pace that had Jack throwing his head back, gasping and groaning low in his throat for more.

Anyone who walked by would immediately know what they were doing from the sounds of low groans and skin against skin.

As soon as Jack put a hand on his dick, he knew he wouldn’t last much longer. He had been denying himself an orgasm for too long and everything was growing more intense while Gabriel pounded up into him, meeting him on every down-stroke.

It felt as if he was trying to keep himself together, but the pieces were cracking and before he could repair or keep it all together, Jack was cumming hard between them. He bit his lip in time to keep some of the sounds repressed, but it was still loud enough.

Gabriel flipped them over skillfully, allowing Jack to lay on his back as he continued to rut into him with the blonde’s legs spread wide to house his bulk. The high of Jack’s orgasm remained while his partner fucked into him mercilessly, pressing against his prostate and keeping the orgasm high going to the point that Jack’s body shook and shuddered from a second orgasm.

Dribbles of cum leaked from his cock. It was almost on the brink of pain, if not for the pleasure keeping him on edge. Gabriel kissed along his neck and ultimately but into the meat of his shoulders as his hips stuttered with his own orgasm.

Jack found himself floating in a pleasurable headspace, his body sore and weightless while his partner’s kisses on his fevered skin kept him anchored in the moment.

He could still smell the fires outside in the distance, as well as the mud of the earth and humidity in the air. Everything felt more sharp and alive while he drifted back down into the anchor of his body.

Gabriel remained there for a while, catching his breath while they stayed connected. It was wet and sticky where they were joined, but Jack didn’t flinch away from the intimate closeness. He could taste the salt of Gabriel’s skin; breathe in his scent and the smell of their sex. He savored every second of it, for the realization that this was only _just sex_ rung in the back of his mind.

The older man let out a long breath, adjusting himself away from Jack as they parted awkwardly. He pulled out and Jack immediately clenched, trying to stop the rush of cum and lube from running down and onto the blanket.

Jack cupped his bottom and grabbed his sleep shirt from the floor to wipe off the excess cum. Gabriel laid back on the ground, exhausted and spent. He put an arm up and over his eyes, steadying his breathing while Jack inelegantly cleaned himself up. He was somewhat grateful that Gabe wasn’t watching him, but there was something in his stance that began to unsettle Jack’s nerves.

Adrenaline gone and lust sated, the gravity of what they’d just done was beginning to crash over the blonde.

It happened too quickly…

Almost an hour ago, Jack was lying in bed waiting for sleep while Gabriel was off on patrol.

Now, though…

Jack cleared his throat, slight panic bubbling in his chest.

Many soldiers did this sort of thing.

They found comfort in another, no matter what their usual preference was, to keep their minds away from the horrors of war outside their beds. It wasn’t out of the ordinary to sleep with someone you trusted when your life was in the balance.

When Jack used to fantasize about sleeping with Gabriel, it was with more candlelight and professions of romance than a roll on a sleeping bag in a tent, in the middle of a muddy field.

“Are you going to lay back down?” Jack nearly jumped out of his skin when Gabriel spoke to him, his dark brown eyes peaking from behind his arm.

“Need to get re-dressed.” The blonde grabbed his boxer briefs and pulled them back on, noting the slight pain in his lower back. He definitely should’ve had more prep, but the opportunity to have Gabriel inside of him was one he could never pass up. He didn’t regret his decision.

He didn’t know if this would ever happen again.

Gabriel groaned and rolled to the side, leaning over to grab his own underwear and sweatpants. He slipped them on and lay back down, sighing loud enough for Jack to look back over at him.

Unsure of what to say or do, Jack pulled his backpack towards him and pulled out a pack of contraband cigarettes and a new lighter he had picked up a week earlier. He lit up, welcoming the familiar heaviness of the smoke and slight buzz of the nicotine when he breathed in.

“Never pegged you for a smoke after sex kind of guy.” Gabriel noted, raising a brow in his direction.

“Bad habit.” Jack ran his hand over the back of his neck. “Is the smoke bothering you?”

“Nah. I wouldn’t mind bumming one from you, though.”

“Of course.” Jack fished another one from the carton and passed it along. Gabriel smiled sleepily, bringing the cigarette to his mouth while Jack threw him the bald eagle imprinted lighter.

He watched Gabriel take a few drags of the cigarette, his half-naked body propped up by an elbow and seemingly glowing in the low light. Jack’s eyes wandered over the expanse of skin across muscle, all the way down to where Gabriel’s hips peaked out from the top of his sweatpants.

The other man watched him in return, looking up and down Jack’s torso, an eyebrow raised in question.

After a few breaths, Jack spoke up. “Was that okay?”

Gabriel shrugged, “I’ve never had sex with a guy, but it was really good on my end. Hopefully I didn’t go too rough on you or anything? I tried to go slow, but you’re pretty demanding.”

Jack tapped at his neck, “Well, I think you might’ve overdone it with the hickies.”

“Sorry.” Gabe bit his lip. “I have a thing with-“ He cleared his throat, asking a little more hesitantly. “Was that okay? Did we cross a line?”

The blonde wanted to avoid answering the question.

He wasn’t too sure how he felt, now that the deed was done.

Jack took another inhale of his cigarette and breathed out slowly to watch the smoke rise and disappear from the top of their tent. They were both still quiet and hushed, even though they could hear other soldiers moving and talking outside of their tent. It was a reminder of where they were and the circumstances that brought them to this moment.

The blonde felt like time had stood still long enough to allow them this experience.

“It was good.” Jack replied. “Just….we rushed, and I know that you’re straight, and I don’t want you to freak out.”

“Does it look like I’m freaking out?”

Jack took in Gabriel’s relaxed sprawl on the sleeping bag.

“Well, you just got laid, so it’s hard to tell.” Jack pointed out. Gabriel smirked.

“It was really good, Jackie. Stop getting pulled into your head. Many soldiers find comfort together, and you know I trust you with my life.” Gabriel was trying to quell Jack’s fretting, but it was only making him feel slightly worse by confirming it _was_ ‘just sex.’ “I appreciate what we just did, but we should get some sleep. I need to be up again in four hours and we have a briefing at seven. You need your rest, too.”

Jack put out his cigarette.

“Yeah, let’s flip the covers over and lay out your sleeping bag. I need to wash mine.”

Gabriel let the cigarette hang from his mouth while they rearranged the bedding on the ground and tossed aside the blanket that had been soiled with sweat and other body fluids. Jack also took the time to put away the lubricant and pull on another shirt to cover the marks on his shoulder and chest.

When he turned back around, Gabriel was making himself comfy again. Jack didn’t know why he felt hesitant at first, but he eventually turned off the bedside LED lamp and climbed in next to his partner. He lay on his back to stare up at the ceiling, but Gabriel rolled to his side and touched his stomach familiarly.

“Hm?”

“You’re not going to cuddle with me?” Gabriel asked.

“It’s too hot.” Jack huffed.

“No it’s not. C’mon, you popped my man cherry and now you won’t cuddle with me? That’s cold, Morrison.”

“ _Man Cherry_?”

“First guy I’ve ever slept with.”

“Oh my god.” Jack groaned. “Are you okay? Why are you calling it that? That’s not-“

Gabriel was smiling when he pulled Jack against him. “They say skin to skin contact is good for the soul and I’m tired. Please?”

“Who knew _you_ were so demanding.”

“Touché.”

Jack didn’t feel burdened in rolling to his side to tangle their limbs together until they found a comfortable enough position for sleep. Gabriel was in a good mood for the first time in a long time, and it was primarily by Jack’s doing.

They both still needed a shower, but the warm coziness of having someone next to you was enough to pull their thoughts away from what was rational. They’d slept in worse conditions with worse things coating their skin.

When Jack woke up the next morning, Gabriel was already gone for patrol.

*

_Now_

Jack stared up at the light gray stucco on his bedroom ceiling, chest rising and falling quickly while he tried to catch his breath.

When the remnants of his orgasm began to fade away and the buzz of pleasure left his brain, the blonde sluggishly grabbed the towel next to him and wiped the cum from his bare abdomen and chest.

He sometimes hated himself for revisiting that memory, but the far off remembrance of the taste of Gabriel’s skin and the feel of his muscles tightening in ecstasy were always guaranteed fodder to get Jack off. He thought back on it often enough for him to consider it a slight issue.

Gabriel wasn’t in love with him.

Gabriel was secure enough in who he was as a person to not feel paranoid about having sex with another man and had reassured Jack that what they did was consensual and good, but the hook up didn’t mean the same thing to Gabriel as it did to Jack.

Jack knew that he played a part in his own misery, fully knowing he was in love with Gabriel and having sex with him when it was only that: _just sex_.

Years later and there had never been a repeat of that night.

The two still found themselves leaning against each other or a casual arm thrown across the shoulder, but they were all shows of comradery and support. They were not romantic in nature, even though they both felt comfortable enough to show simple signs of affection. Gabriel never shied away from that particular type of closeness, though he made a point not to further touches into anything that could be translated as sexual or overtly romantic.

What Jack wouldn’t do to feel Gabriel’s lips on his skin again.

To feel the sharpness of his teeth run along his skin.

To be marked again, all for Gabriel’s taking.

To be claimed.

The afterglow of his orgasm began to creep into the bitterness of knowing he lusted after someone he couldn’t have again. One memory would be all that would sustain his fantasies for the rest of his life; his shame and hopefulness for as long as he breathed.

Jack reached over to his bedside drawer and pulled out a cigarette. He had already disabled the smoke alarm in the corner of his room, allowing him to light up and drift like the wafts of grey that coiled up and out of the windows. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In the next part, Jack reflects on confronting Gabriel about their night.  
> *Special thanks to kenwave for looking this chapter over. <3
> 
> Come say hello~  
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